Category: Let's talk
Saw this on Facebook and wanted to see what Y'all thought of it.
I walked out of Wal Mart today and got in my car. As I began to pull out, I had to wait for a man in a wheelchair to pass by. As I watched him, I noticed that he was missing his right leg from the knee down and was wearing, what appeared to be, old, government issued, combat boots. He was (from my guess) in his late sixties/early
seventies and seemed to be stopping to take a break. He had not realized that I had started my car and was attempting to pull out, so when he saw me, he waved in an apologetic manner and rolled forward three more times and took another break. I backed up my car the inches I had previously pulled forward, put it in park,
turned off the engine, and got out. I walked up to him and introduced myself. I asked him if I could assist him with his shopping today, and he, quite grumpily, said that he was doing just fine and was not getting much anyways. Me, being as stubborn as I am, insisted and proceeded to push him and tell him a little about
myself. He interrupted me and said that he only needed help to the door, to which I picked up where I had left off before he interrupted me. I told him about Fayetteville, and my horses, and my nephews (I had parked a good ways away from the doors). And when I reached the doors, I continued to push him and talk. We reached
the produce area and I asked him to tell me about himself. He reluctantly looked at me and began telling me that he lived in Sod- Lincoln County, and that he just recently lost his wife. I asked him if he was a veteran, to which he replied that he was- but with pain on his face, so I changed the subject and asked if he
had made a shopping list. He handed me a list with only four things on it: peanut butter, soup, bread, and bananas. So we began shopping and I continued to talk... hard to believe- I know. Once we had gotten the items he needed, I asked if he needed the essentials: milk, eggs, butter. He told me that he might not make it
home, without them going bad. So I questioned how he got to the store. He told me that he did what he was doing in the parking lot until he got to 119 and then hitch hiked with a trucker to the parking lot. So I called a taxi for him and grabbed the essentials plus a few other things and put them in the cart. After placing
a gallon of milk in his cart he was crying. People were passing by us, looking sideways at him. I knelt down and asked him what was wrong and he replied, that I "was doing far too much for an old man that I barely knew." I told him that where I am from, and from the family I was raised in, we help one another, no matter
the task and that I had never met a stranger. I also told him that he deserved everything I was doing for him because he fought for my freedom and sacrificed so much. We made it to the check out line and I paid for his groceries, against his request. When we got outside, we waited for the taxi together. He thanked me over
and over again and appeared- to me- to have been in a much better mood than when I found him. When the taxi arrived, I helped him load his groceries and wheelchair into the taxi and asked the driver to take him home and help him into his house with his groceries. I gave him the only cash I had on me- $44, also against his
will. I told him thank you for his service before closing the door. Tears formed again and he thanked me one last time and said, "God bless you." I returned to my car, and could not help but cry. This is the world we live in today. How many people passed him and would have continued to pass him while he struggled? How many
people are willing to give their money to Vanity Fair to read all about Bruce Jenner and not help a veteran pay for his groceries? Today was a truly humbling experience for me, and I consider myself extremely blessed to have the capability of understanding what is truly important in this world. THAT man was a HERO, and
far too many will say otherwise. I am sorry that this post was so long, and if you have read it to this point, I hope you are as humbled as I was. God bless the men and women who have fought for our right to view the wrong people as heroes, and thank God for the people who know better.
Here's my comment on it. Others will be able to put this in to words much better than I can.
This one leaves me with very mixed emotions. On one hand, it's great that the lady wanted to help the guy out. Maybe the guy really did need it, too. but what happens when someone wants to do a good deed and get that warm fuzzy feeling inside, but the person they think they're helping really doesn't want the extras?
As a totally blind and legally deaf person, I've been grabbed and pushed and pulled in what people thought were the directions I wanted to go. While it's great that they're exhibiting such acts of kindness, I wonder if they're really wanting to help me, or if they're just looking for a way to say they've done their good
deed for the day. It's really awkward once I've been pulled and pushed around to the point that I'm disoriented, or when I end up being somewhere that I just really didn't want to be, at all.
I also have mix feelings on this.
Were I have argued the point in the past, that allowing someone to help you is good, I have learned it can make others get lost and such things.
In this case, I feel, the person went to far in helping.
He did allow it, but sort of was hijacked.
Now, it helped him greatly, but you can never tell when it does.
I personally would have allowed the help to the door, and in my case, even the picking up of the items, but paying for them, and adding more, no.
Because this story is one sided, I can't tell if the person being helped, protested at the counter, or not, but if not, he was done well.
I see no problem with that, but feel the helper should have asked for each step, not continued to insist.
I understand, it gives people the warm and fuzzy feeling, and for that reason, when I don't need help, I'll allow it.
I only allow this to a point however.
I kind of feel like Wayne here. I've been pushed or pulled also. But I am also the type that wants to lend a hand. I'm not sure it's just for the fuzzy feelings, but we probably can't really know our true motivations. Definitely treat help like sex, get help for every step. And accept what they want to give in return.
You just have to be willing to give and take, and protect their dignity. Why would they share the specifics on Facebook, though, and throw that bit about Jenner into the mix at the end? Makes the story kind of suspect.
Agreed, Leo. That bit at the end, which was basically a not-so-vailed condemnation of transgender people and people who are anti-war, definitely did not endear me to the poster. Furthermore, she was far too pushy. The first time the guy said no should've been the end of it. True, he felt differently at the end, and it sounds as if he really did need some help, at least with transportation. But his initial decision to continue on his chosen path was his to make, and he should not have been, quite literally, pushed into something else.
Becky
I understand why the person helped. But, I wouldn't have posted it on Face Book. But, I came from somewhere you don't ask for glory, or the credit. When I do nice things for others, I don't tell many about it.
I think in accepting help, I'm of 2 minds. I'm stubborn. ButI've learned I have to ask sometimes. And, I've learned that if I need help, I should say yes when asked. But, I try to keep it to the barest of needs. Problem is, when people offer, they say these open words: "Do you need anything else?" I've been taught that asking for help is bad. So, I find it a major challenge.
Blessings,
Auntie Hot Wheels
Seriously, that thing reads like a chain letter you'd have seen in your email, in the early 2000s.
Wow. call me a mean bitch if you like, but the person who wrote this feel-good fuzzy narative is a narcisistic ass hole.
here's how I read it:
short version:
Poor guy with partially missing leg; how unfortunate that he was wearing such ugly government boots! I went up to him and helped him. He didnt' want my help but he looked like it, and what the hell does he know anyway. I'm more capable than him, so I made his decisions for him, he protested but then he cried about it like it was a good thing I helped, so we both agreed it was nice. the guy's a hero because he's a veteran, but look at meeeeeee! I'm a hero for helping a veteran!! God bless god bles god bless america. But hush, hush, I didnt' do anything; it's all about the veterans. and I hate bruce genner and all those unnatural transgender freaks... Yay!!!!
'
Supposedly she loved helping the veteran. But did she respect him? Did she respect him when she went against his wishes and overrode all of his choices? Did she respect him when she treated him like a charity case and then wrote it all up pretty in bows and ribbons on social media? No, No, no, and no.
She's the kind of person I call a feel-good fuck.
She wants to feel good, so fuck you; if you dont' need the help, she'll give it anyway, because it'll make her feel great at the end of the day even if it'll make you feel crappy at your end of the day.
Oh good. I thought maybe it was just my cynical reaction.
Bernadetta, I love you for putting this into words! LOL Great job!
It is all about dignity. Yes, perhaps the veteran could and should have accepted the help, or refused less gruffly. Perhaps something like this might've been a meeting that needed to happen, but I am all for keeping someone's dignity... seriously, you do NOT push and prod and move someone along against their will, give them money against their wishes. The paying of the groceries in and of itself doesn't bother me as much; I've been in grocery store lines where I have seen such unexpected generous acts. But at the end of the day, the experience, had I been its recipient, would have made me pretty angry.
Kate
agree with post 8. That was overkill. The guy didn't want assistance and made that fact clear she should have backed the hell off instead of turning it into a feel-good, bawling-my-eyes-out kind-of story. Grrrr.
Posts 7 and 8 are spot on.
This thing is going to get way more likes than it should, and, at the end of the day, it's going to be just one more recycled bit of claptrap that gets posted all around the internet for people to get the warm fuzzies over.
That bit at the end about Bruce Jenner was really uncalled for. It makes the whole story sound a hell of a lot more disingenuous, although I think I would have thought so anyway, given the comment slipped into the beginning about the combat boots. People who write this type of stuff don't expect anyone to notice the small details. For those of us who do, we manage to see through it. But I highly doubt that will stop such things from being posted in the future.
Welcome to the internet, people. Although, like post 7, I do find it highly amusing that what used to land in our inboxes when we least expect it, has found a new niche in social media.
Personally, I would have asked the gentleman if he wanted help, and when he said no, I might have added something like, Really, I'm happy to help if you need it." With a second no, I'd wish him good luck and let him be on his way. I don't like being pushy and don't appreciate people being pushy with me either. And even if I had helped him, like others have said, I wouldn't have posted about it to get glory and praise.
I think this was so nice. Some people though try to take advantage of your
generosity if they can.
I think you're all being synical.
Sure, I am getting quite sick of these "warm and fuzzies" going around FB etc but, the guy may have said no to help as he didn't want to be a burden, but by the end, he seemed generally grateful.
I agree with the poster above, i would ahve asked for help and if he said 'no", would have said "you sure; I'm happy too", but leave it at that.
A friend of mine made a good point. It said that while the woman put the gallon of milk in the buggy, the man was crying. Maybe he was crying out of gratitude, but it might have been from pure humiliation and total loss of dignity.
After my initial post, that's one of the things I thought about as well. when I had a lot less self respect, I was the type to not assert what I wanted, in the face of someone well meaning, but extremely pushy/aggressive. AFter being in that situation once too many times as a child. I stopped letting people control my fate. Reading the story here, its clear that this person took charge, forced conversation, made all the choices for this person... think about how humiliating that probably feels.
"Do you need help?" "No, i've got it." *starts helping anyway.* * Starts having a personal conversation with the person i'm helping, when they seem to be in no mood for it, because its the polite thing to do...* Etc, ETc...
This person was stripped of all free agency. Considering they're not even capable quick movement, They couldn't have excused themself from the situation, with out making a huge problem of it, and most likely making themselves out to be an ungrateful asshole to everyone around them.
We already face enough stigma with disabilities as it is. Most people would be disinclined to add more.
So, back to the story. You're a person with no way out of a situation, who doesn't know someones motivations for forcing help on you, who isn't actually listening to anything you have to say, at all...
Its probably humiliating. Just in the same way a child isn't given choice, so was this person.
Oh, here. Clearly you can't fend for yourself. So let me make these choices for you.
We have some idea of the persons motivations. Though they're presented from the perspective of someone who really loves their soapbox. the man in question knew nothing, just experienced as we all have, someone being extremely pushy.
Most people that humble brag about stuff like this don't do it just to help, anyway. they go the extra mile like this person did, so they can brag on facebook, and at parties, and at the office...
Oh, look at me, being such an angel.
Disabled people are more than banks of good god/karma points that have an unlimited supply to make one look good.
This all comes down to two things. One, someone being a humble bragging twat, and 2, a fundamental lack of respect for the one being helped.
The disabled person has every right to say No. I'll make it on my own.
Assuming this person was really a nam vet... He was probably raised by parents that valued the "pull your self up by your bootstraps, and never take more from society than you need" approach. OR those values could be personal or cultural.Either way. Its clear this person objected to the help, and what they wanted was ignored.
Assuming this thing was even real in the first place.
I still believe its likely as not a chain letter, that's somehow survived the years.
I've stated my points about helping people when they don't need it, or when they tell you no, in at least one other thread.
Instead, I want to focus on two rather interesting things which happened in this topic.
First, the combat boots. The author mentioned that they were both old and government issue. Why is this a bad thing? Why is this loaded? He may or may not be a vet, but the boots are a clue. There is no derision present in the description of this man's footwear that I can detect.
Second, Bruce/Kaitlin Jenner, or more specifically, the people who read Vanity Fair. Vanity Fair is well-known for being full of celebrity doings, and the Jenner thing is just one of the more recent ones. If you read carefully, you'll see that the indictment is not of Jenner, but of the people who read that particular publication. The implication is not, as some have suggested here, that Jenner is a problem, but rather that people who read celebrity gossip instead of being good Christians or good Americans are a problem.
You know what I think is happening in these two cases? I think a controversial source is saying things that have buzzwords and phrases buried in them, and you're overreacting. You're upset because the woman in question kinda manhandled this guy - and I think you have a right to be, because whether or not it ended well, I think she handled it horribly - and you're adding far more to her innocuous statements than she's actually put there. Bruce Jenner? Uh-oh, she's speaking out against trans people. Old boots? Well, no one should be waring old boots; how disgusting.
...no. Cool your jets, and reread. She did not, in fact, criticize either Jenner or the boots.
Misunderstandings like this set fires beneath people for all the wrong reasons. If she's going to be roasted, at least roast her on the right spit, would you?
An addendum to my previous post:
The closest I can see to the Jenner thing is that comment about "the wrong people as heroes", which she confuses by saying "god bless the people who fought for us..." etc.
And even that's not a slam dunk. Again, those false heroes could be -any celebrity in Vanity Fair, or anywhere else; the concept of people idolizing celebrities is neither new nor in any doubt, and it's something a lot would probably agree is kind of awful, in its way. So lacking evidence that she's trying to lambaste Jenner specifically, we can guess she's slamming the false idols celebrities are often made, in general. Not quite so horrible and judgmental anymore.
And I'll go just a step further here. I'm completely fine with the whole Kaitlin Jenner business; she has every right in the world to be transgender and to come out about it, I have no issue with that. But is she a hero?
She is long past her athletic prime, is fairly wealthy as far as I know, already has lived the fair majority of her life, and had little to lose by coming out. Other trans people would not be so lucky, surely. I'm not discrediting the woman, but while I might call her act brave - since it still shook people up pretty hard - I would stop short of calling her heroic. If activists want to use her case to champion their own cause, then cool; go for it. But hero? I'm not really so sure on that.
And if this woman did in fact have the temerity to say that calling Jenner a hero is wrong, then the worst I could say of it is that it's ill-placed in such a story about a war veteran in need. But remember, we didn't actually prove, or even come close to proving, that this was the case, so even at its theoretical worst, this lady's message wasn't nearly as loaded as a couple of posters have made it look.
Okay, I need to comment on this topic. If someone says they don't want help or only want help to the door or whatever, that should be respected. Don't force yourself on others. I've had that happen to me an it's annoying to say the least.
Greg I agree with you RE: Jenner's alleged heroism. I was pretty upset to learn she gets a courage award that was previously going to go to a vet who had lost limbs and was still an athlete. Most vets come from poor, not rich pampered, households.
So yes I was pretty upset over that. I'm just skeptical of these types of write-ups.
But you bet, I'm on board with not superimposing Jenner as a hero over some vet who probably came from humble circumstances, and got seriously injured, then continued to get out there and live.
Maybe a repeat here but if this person didn't want to be given praise for helping, why was it put out there on face book? Overkill for help I would have gotten annoyed myself if somebody kept insisting on helping when I was doing fine with whatever task. I agree with the person who said this is how you can get disoriented, being pulled or pushed in the wrong direction. This story was put out for praise alone I think. I'm not on face book but yep I bet there will be a lot of likes.
We're apparently a small minority. I've always been told that I never see the good in things that people try to do. I put part of this article in to google, and apparently her facebook post has gotten more than 2500 shares.
Here's a news write up about it.
http://www.wowktv.com/story/29252984/social-media-post-about-good-deed-goes-viral
At times like these, I wish Facebook had a "dislike" button.
Don't you mean "unlike"?
Lol Seriously, I've seen that verb used as an opposite to "like". Distant whispers of Newspeak dance between my ears.
Pretty soon we'll be referring to articles like this as ungood or, if we're particularly vehement, doubleplus-ungood.
"Distant whispers of Newspeak dance between my ears."
+1
Not sure what to make of it. I kinda see good and bad to both sides of this.
To quote something from an episode of wren and stimpy, "no sir, I don't like it."
So I never qualified for a guide dog because of lack of good direction, but my question here is what do people do if somebody starts pulling on you and you have a dog and the person keeps saying this way, this way.
You tell them your dog bites, so they should let go now. Smile.
The dog will jump to the aid of the owner. It very well may bite the person if it feels it's owner is in danger.
not always. I'm not often grabbed, but when I am, I usually tell the person to please let go of me, or if it's someone who's offering assistance and I don't feel like explaining sighted guide, I'll just grab their elbow without sayign anything, have the dog heel at my left side and we'll go on our merry way. again, it's not often I use sighted guide, but I only give that nonverbal response and direction when people grab me. as for the idiots who insist onsaying, "This way," while dragging you, i'd speak up and say, "Unhand me, now." that, or if i'm feeling particularly cranky, i'll wrench my arm from their grip and tell them, "Please, don't touch me," in a voice that generally gets the message across: I don't like being manhandled, buzz off. they get the hint pretty quickly. If they're huffy because the poor, ungreatful blind person got pissy with them, that is not my problem. i'm rarely like that, though, but hey, we all have days when things just aren't going our way.
When faced with a rude "helper" nobody would blame you for acting a bit short with them. After all, it is your personal space.
Legally, that's the right idea. If you, your wheelchair (Part of your person in legal speak), or your cane and/or dog guide are manhandled, you have the right to "defend yourself."
I got that from training in Block Watch Recruitment.
As far as the do-gooder, I think now I have had time, it's really kind of bad she thought it was brag-worthy.
Someone actually ruined themselves, by saying "All this good things I did for Poor Blind Sarah," to family. They were hot. And, I lost contact with my family, till I saw reason, and figured it was brag, brag, brag, brag. You can tell if someone's true, if they don't make a big deal about it.
Now, I'm stuck between broke and busted. So, if you want to help me, and you can, I wouldn't turn it down.
I got something else, that needs to go to another post, because, this will run on, and it's kind of a different cenario that happened to me.
Happy Independence Day!
Auntie Hot Wheels
So, on the other hand of this, I've had things like this happen to me, and am grateful.
Only one difference. When I was with a friend and our food was paid for, (he was also disabled), the person giving: "Refused to identify themself." Good! I just look up, and give thanks to God. That person will know.
Second time, we just let it happen, have no idea to this day who done it, but I was with my family, and we just enjoyed the free meal, and time together.
Only all this to say, it's not like I hate someone doing something for me. Just don't light up one of those highway boards with it, and whatever you do, don't brag on facebook! That, seemed more humilating, than getting the milk.
Happy 4th!
Auntie Hot Wheels
I think Bernadetta said it best in post 8. I'm not going to take the time to go back over and re-read that glurge, as Snopes would call it, but if I remember correctly, she said a couple of times she did something against the guy's will. I don't care how much of a good Samaritan you think you're trying to be, you should never do something against somebody's will. That's the thing that gets me here. In any other circumstance, society would agree with that. But somehow when you're disabled, people doing things against your will if they think they're helping is supposed to be ok. Grrr! Maybe I should be a little more understanding about this, but all I could think as I read it was, what a pushy, self-righteous bitch this woman is. Yes, I know, that's judgmental too, but honest.
It sounds to me like the poster is tooting her own horn. Oh look what I have done? Isn't this wonderful? Never mind the fact that the guy said he didn't need her help. Was he crying bc he was so happy to be helped or bc he felt manipulated and undignified? I had a situation once in college where I was walking, and this woman just grabbed me and started steering. She didn't speak a word of English, so after asking her twice to let go, I pushed her hard. She let go then and ran off. Some say I was mean to her. She did not even know where I was going or what I was doing. The point being some give help when it is not wanted.
People do toot their own horns and think they're amazing for helping the poor poor disabled. It's very sad.
I had a pastor do that to me. I haven't been back to the church, since he used it as a guilt trip. I think, if you are going to preach not to boast, and then do it, I can't go along with that. Well, at least I got something out of it. I thought of giving what he gave me back, but I figured I was already using it, and it would be too much effort.
I know that's harsh, but I didn't let him get away with the pity stuff. By the time I said my not-so-peac, he was mad enough to yell. I wasn't happy there at that church, anyway. That just broke the cammel's back.
I guess what I'm saying, is that it means all the difference, when it's sincere.
I just realized I don't need to sign this, because, my username's already up there! I'm odd!
Take care!
Wow...you trouble maker! hahahaha
Alicia, I agree. And, everyone judges. Judging someone acting in bad character is not wrong, IMHO.
A few little observations and impressions. First, people who insist to help us when we say we don't need it are probably more into it for themselves and not us. We are more objects, something to be used so people can glorify themselves and feel good. The day was nowhere near in need of saving. Also, I think these are impulsive acts, people are not thinking through the situation, it's all about feelings. Do you know why people get angry and offended when we call them out for helping when we didn't need it? Because what they want from us in those situations is to be told what good people they are. I dunno why these people need the blind or disabled to tell them they're good, what, as if most of the time in normal life they are these unfeeling monsters but when they spot a blind person or disabled person, they have to do a good deed to make up for all their bad behavior? In the end, when people do not listen to you, act as if you don't have your own needs or feelings, or get angry at you for not following their script which you weren't allowed to read, it's quite dehumanizing. But who cares, really, they feel like saints and will get on Twitter and crow about it, thinking they are one step closer to heaven for their trouble. Sheesh!
I agree. It is all about them.
It is a good point that Chris makes; Never thought of it like that.